15 Sarcastic But Lovable David Rose Quotes From Schitt’s Creek


Schitt’s Creek still has one more season to go before it’s over for good. While fans might still be sad about this, they can definitely agree that the show had a great run. One of the things that make this series so great is that it is extremely hilarious while still having a lot of heart. Even though the main characters can be a bit ridiculous, they do learn and grow over time and viewers become invested in them. One of the most intriguing storylines on the show has been David’s as he becomes more open and less cynical.

RELATED: Schitt’s Creek: The 5 Most (& 5 Least) Realistic Storylines

While seeing David’s growth has been great, his humor is something that has never faltered. We’ve collected a list of some of the best sarcastic but endearing quotes from David so far.

Updated on January 8th, 2021 by Kristen Palamara: Schitt’s Creek has recently ended with its sixth and final season, but the characters and the dialogue remain just as iconic as it was on the air. The entire cast of characters delivery hilarious and lovable quotes throughout the show and one of the best sarcastic characters is David Rose. Although he’s sarcastic, David’s quotes are hilarious, easily quotable, and some of the most lovable dialogue on the show. We’ve added another 5 sarcastic-but-lovable David Rose quotes to this list because could just never be enough when it comes to lines that are this funny.

15 “ONE PIZZA, WHAT IS THIS, LES MIS?”

David and Moira wine tasting in Schitt's Creek Season 6

David can be easily persuaded by food and he appreciates a good pizza while Patrick watches the game on television or some good barbeque after struggling through playing a baseball game. Johnny calls in the kids to celebrate with pizza and this is David’s immediate response when he sees his dad’s only gotten one pizza for the family. David hilariously compares his life of having to share a pizza with three other people to the musical Les Misérables. 

14 “YOU FOLD IN THE CHEESE! YOU FOLD IT IN!”

Moira claims to know how to make enchiladas but enlists David to help her recreate the dish after years of not cooking. She reads off the recipe instructions to him and says that he needs to fold in the cheese to which he claims he has no idea what that means. She continues to yell the instruction at him until he finally explodes and screams that she should just fold in the cheese herself.

13 “I WOULD HARDLY CALL MYSELF AN EXPERT ON THIS SUBJECT, AND, BY SUBJECT, I MEAN GENUINE HUMAN EMOTION, SO I AM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW.”

In a sentimental moment between David and Ted, David gives Ted advice about a potential rekindling of his relationship with Alexis and he begins with this quote. David is known to be self-deprecating, but he actually gives some insightful and caring advice to Ted when he needed it the most. David says that he’s been burned in the romance department several times, but it’s always important to try again and that Ted should put himself out there again.

12 “I HAVE ASKED YOU THRICE NOW FOR A TWOEL SO THAT I MAY WASH THIS TOWN OFF MY BODY.”

Alexis And David In Schitts Creek

David asks Stevie for a towel multiple times, three to be exact, in the pilot episode and yet he still hasn’t gotten one. It’s very in character for David to use the word thrice instead of saying he’s asked three times, but it’s still a hilarious choice of words either way. This quote and roast of the town of Schitt’s Creek wouldn’t be as iconic or sarcastic if he hadn’t chosen to use the word thrice.

11 “BEING APPROACHABLE ISN’T THAT IMPORTANT ANYWAY. The QUEEN HASN’T SMILED SINCE THE ’70s, AND HER BIRTHDAYS ARE STILL VERY WELL ATTENDED.”

David tries to cheer up Moira who is running for Council and is told that she’s not very approachable by the townspeople. David delivers this sarcastic line that says that, of course, Moira is unapproachable, but it’s not a bad thing. Moira at first excitedly agrees with him and then backtracks when she realizes that he’s not agreeing with her that she’s approachable but instead saying that she can stay unapproachable.

10 “SO I’M JUST GOING TO PLAY THE SUPPORTIVE PARTNER AND WATCH HIM FAIL.”

The relationship between David and Patrick is one of the most adorable on the show. Patrick helps David be more comfortable with himself and more open to his own emotions. These two are super sweet together, but they also have great moments where they tease each other. With this quote, David talks about how Patrick refused his help, so, in typical David fashion, he has this to say. While of course, he is supportive of Patrick, his sarcasm is always hilarious.

9 “I HAVE NEVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY SO MANY WRONG THINGS, ONE AFTER THE OTHER, CONSECUTIVELY, IN A ROW.”

Schitt's Creek Moira and David

The Rose family on Schitt’s Creek isn’t your typical family. Moira and Johnny Rose aren’t always the best parents, but they’ve definitely gotten better. Being forced to spend time in such close quarters and become less vapid has helped them learn to be more focused on their family. However, they still struggle at times to live up to being parents of the year. With this quote, David reminds his mother that she’s not always the most supportive parent.

8 “THE INTERNET IS A BREEDING GROUND FOR FREAKS.”

Schitt's Creek David and Roland

David is great at giving one-liners that work both in and out of context. In fact, if you’re looking for reaction gifs, there is a wealth to choose from with just his quotes alone. While it’s true that the internet can be a strange place at times, it’s also a great thing. David himself seems to spend a lot of time on his phone, so he clearly isn’t one to talk. However, this line is pretty funny.

7 “I AM SUFFERING ROMANTICALLY RIGHT NOW, AND THERE WAS A MINUTE I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT ANOTHER DATING APP.”

Schitt's Creek - David and Patrick

For anyone who is single and trying to date in this modern age, dating apps are one of the most common ways to do so. For many adults, there is a love/hate relationship with these apps as they can be convenient but also frustrating. David illustrates the relief that can come along when finding a partner means you can delete these apps. Of course, David delivers this line in a typically dramatic fashion. And, luckily, his relationship with Patrick works out so he really doesn’t have to return to those dating apps after all.

6 “I DON’T WANT THIS JOB.”

When David is preparing for an interview with the Blouse Barn, Johnny is there to offer some help to his son. He helps him by conducting a fake interview where Johnny has to answer some questions. When asked that infamous question, “why do you want this job, David responds with the thought most of us think during interviews. While David might not want the job, he definitely needs it.

RELATED: 10 Things That Need to Happen Before Schitt’s Creek Ends

But, luckily, he doesn’t have to stay at a job he doesn’t like for too long.

5 “I’M TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.”

Schitts Creek David

One of the strongest personality traits David has is that he’s somewhat emotionally shut down. He uses humor and sarcasm to push people away and keep himself from getting hurt. This quote is a great example of that, and it’s just really funny. Many of us, especially more introverted types, can relate to not wanting to get emotionally involved with people sometimes. Of course, David himself has to learn that connecting with others is worth the risk.

4 “I COULD NOT BE MORE AT ONE WITH NATURE. I DO COACHELLA EVERY YEAR.”

One of the funniest things about Schitt’s Creek is the inherent humor of a very rich family being forced to live a completely different lifestyle. While the Roses do adjust to their new situation over time, they still have a lot of hilarious moments where they recall their previous lifestyle. David is definitely not someone who wants to spend time in nature, and it’s not surprising that the closest he gets to it is a huge music festival.

3 “I’M GONNA NEED A STIFF DRINK TO GET THROUGH THIS.”

We all have those days where we feel stressed out and on edge. On these days, having a drink to deal with it isn’t out of the ordinary. David Rose is definitely someone who sometimes uses escapism to deal with stress in his life.

RELATED: Schitt’s Creek: Most Hilarious One-Liners From The Show

Plus, the way he delivers this line and others like it is really relatable and also hilarious.

2 “DON’T BE A LITTLE B!”

Schitt's Creek

The relationship between David and Alexis is one of the funniest on the show. They don’t always get along, but they obviously care about each other. While they both have strong personalities, they do have each other’s back, even if they give each other a lot of crap. Plus, even out of context, this quote is pretty hilarious and applicable in many situations.

1 “VERY UNINTERESTED IN THAT OPINION.”

Schitt's Creek David and Stevie

This might be one of the most quotable and relatable of all of the David Rose quotes. If you ever hear an opinion you just don’t agree with or want to contend with, whether it’s big or small, this is the perfect quote. David is definitely a character who isn’t super agreeable or wants to hear other people’s opinions.

NEXT: MBTI® Personality Types of Schitt’s Creek Characters

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Updated: January 8, 2021 — 3:58 pm

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