10 Jokes You Definitely Didn’t Get As A Kid, Ranked

Conker’s Bad Fur Day is a title that made history in the old Nintendo 64. The gameplay is, for the most part, not too unlike Super Mario. What made this particular game so memorable and enjoyable was the game developer Rare’s brilliant idea of making it an adult-oriented adventure, even if it had more cartoonish characters than Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.

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Even with big, red letters warning that the game was for mature audiences only right at the beginning, it is a fact that way too many kids have played this one. And, when they did, there sure was a lot of inappropriate jokes that they simply couldn’t get.

10 The Panther King’s Duct Tape

Not too long into the game, the Panther King is introduced, and he just looks so obviously villainous. Immediately afterward, Dr. Von Kriplespac is presented as the king’s go-to scientist. Whenever there is a problem in the kingdom, Von Kriplespac figures a way to sort it out.

The relationship between the despot and the science weasel is not that great: the panther is always threatening to “bring the duct tape again.” Von Kriplespac doesn’t hide very well that he thinks the king should put the duct tape elsewhere…

9 Blue Bood

The Catfish are, like most of the characters in Bad Fur Day, kind of jerks. They follow the guidelines of the game: they look weird, they have weird mannerisms, they have weird problem, and they need Conker’s help. Conker is not happy to help them out, but does so anyway, usually for money.

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What is interesting here is the justification they give to poor Conker: they need to fight a dogfish that’s been messing with them, but they’re too blue-blooded for the task. While in a way it means they’re too elegant for dealing with the issue, it is also a known fact that many fish have blue blood. That’s some strangely high-brow humor for this sort of game.

8 Wow, Just What I Needed

The game begins by clearly stating one of its biggest truths: Conker has a bad drinking problem. After a cutscene where Conker is drinking with “a bunch of soldiers” and lying to his girlfriend Berri, the player finally starts controlling the action.

The music is sloppy, comical jazz, and Conker is tripping all around, his eyes undeniably showing how hungover he is. Finally, after a lot of feeling sick, he finds and takes an aspirin. The instant relief that he gets, with his hangover magically going away, can only be understood by adults who have been there before.

7 10 Dollar Joke

There is also this scarecrow named Birdy, named as such because he likes to scare birdies. Although he doesn’t seem to have a great memory and is not very great with words, Birdy sure has a good movie taste.

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In one cutscene, Conker asks Birdy how much something should cost him. The answer is “10 dollars.” The scarecrow then proceeds to show off a remarkably funny impression of the prostitute character in Full Metal Jacket, who, after announcing her 10 dollar price, reminds the soldiers that she “loves them long time.” Definitely not the sort of thing players would find in a more politically-correct platformer.

6 Muther Buzzer

If there’s one thing this game is filled with, it’s funny quotes. In another completely absurd quest, Conker is helping a certain Mrs. Bee get her hive back. Some cigar-smoking wasps were responsible for stealing it away, and they do not like Conker’s meddling into the matter at all.

In a great example of the hilarious mix of cute animals, obscene speech, and violence, Conker brings the hive back to the bee, after which she jumps onto the hive’s built-in machine gun and kills off all of the wasps for good.

5 Tediz Out Of Character

The Tediz are very cute—albeit murderous—teddy bears created by Dr. Von Kriplespac. The creators of the game also did a good job using them for self-criticism. Before Conker meets them, the two Tedi Surgeons are all covered in blood, like the crazy massacre doctor from Bioshock.

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They are also smoking a cigarette and casually discussing how much better the game would be if the developers who were making it were intelligent. As soon as Conker shows up, they rush to get “into character” and start shooting him.

4 Misheard Password

The whole cavemen act in Bad Fur Day is just full of hilarious moments. A bunch of very slow-witted little men, in a land named Uga-Buga, try to enter a dance club named Rock Solid, but they’re blocked by a bouncer who won’t let anyone in without a password.

Of course, the password is “fedelio,” but Conker mistakes it for another Latin-derived word. This particular cutscene was even censored in the Xbox remake, Conker: Live and Reloaded.

3 Those Babes

Another one in Uga Buga land! At one point, Conker finds himself in a gladiator arena with a huge caveman, Buga the Knut, being entertained by his possible demise. Buga’s girlfriend, an equally giant cavewoman, is delicately named Jugga.

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The fact that she has J-cup “jugs”—which are probably a lot bigger than actual J-cups, given her gigantism—is probably not a coincidence. Then, Conker refers to her breasts as “those babes,” and any sexual innuendo doubt is blown away. Yet another line you aren’t likely to see in any other Nintendo-approved title.

2 Carl/Quentin the Cog

In the list of obnoxious yet hilarious characters, Carl/Quentin the Cog is right there at the top. A bipolar gear cog who changes his personality completely by turning upside down and opening his other set of eyes, the Carl persona keeps hitting on Conker, while his Quentin persona is, well, a total jerk.

When Conker finally finds an extra gear to put in the rod underneath him, Quentin could not get happier about having a pink-laced gear put onto him. The moaning that follows makes clear what he means, and the scene is as uncomfortable as it sounds.

1 Bone Jokes

The winner joke also comes from Uga Buga land. After witnessing Conker tame Fangy the Raptor, the dinosaur that was supposed to kill him, and kill most of his soldiers, Jugga starts teasing Buga the Knut. Once she tells him that Conker is cute, Buga starts getting annoyed.

But, when she literally tells him that Conker’s bone is bigger than his he really loses his chill. Of course, Conker goes on to humiliate him in one of the funniest fights in the game where we even get some beneath-the-loincloth action. Seriously, how did this game land on a Nintendo console?

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Updated: January 7, 2021 — 7:30 pm

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