5 Action Heroes That Could Defeat A Xenomorph (& 5 That Would Buy The Farm)


The xenomorph species is considered by many to be the most deadly extraterrestrial monster in the entire galaxy. This biomechanical horror stalks its prey by tracking pheromones and lunges in for a kill with razor-sharp claws, a piercing sickle tail, and a murderous set of projectile inner jaws.

RELATED: 10 Best Action Directors Of The 2010s

If this alien ever squared off against pop culture’s most iconic action heroes, it would be a sight for the ages. However, which ones would win, and which would buy the farm? Here are five action heroes that could win the day, and five that are simply too outclassed to take the creature on.

10 Would Win: John Rambo

John Rambo

Rambo is a killing machine unlike any other. He’s seen multiple tours in Vietnam, faced down Soviet forces in Afghanistan and gone toe-to-toe with the most vicious Mexican drug cartels only to emerge intact each time. His training is largely unparalleled, and his ability to think on his feet is what has kept him alive so many  years.

These strengths would definitely serve him in a fight with a xenomorph. If Rambo had time to plant even one trap, it could significantly turn the tide of the battle. If he was forced to run and gun, Rambo’s cool control, reflexes and vast assortment of deadly weaponry would make short work out of his alien foe.

9 Would Lose: Jason Bourne

Jason Bourne

The Treadstone program created some of the most elite sleeper assassins the world has ever seen, and Jason Bourne ranks the highest among them. He’s a blight on the government’s top-secret ops projects, and his ability to bring one-man warfare to the best intelligence teams on the planet is legendary.

Still, for all his skills, he wouldn’t last long in a fight with the xenomorph. Bourne’s ranged weaponry would be his only chance to end the fight before the xenomorph closed on him. Once that happened, none of Bourne’s normally-excellent close quarter martial arts skills would save him from the inner jaws of death.

8 Would Win: Dutch Schaefer

Dutch Schaefer

For years, Schaefer led an experienced and highly trained special forces rescue team that was considered the best of the best by the U.S. Government. His skills were put to the ultimate test when the original Predator began stalking and eliminating his crew one by one. Schaefer overcame the creature’s superior strength and gadgetry to win the day.

For this reason, Schaefer would stand a chance against a xenomorph. It’s one thing to be one of the most elite soldiers on the planet, but it’s quite another to defeat one of the galaxy’s most deadly extraterrestrial creatures. The Predator Yautja race considers xenomorphs to be the ultimate prey. That speaks volumes about Schaefer’s abilities.

7 Would Lose: Jack Ryan

Jack Ryan

Tom Clancy’s uber-popular Jack Ryan may have combat training thanks to the limited time he spent in the Marines, but he’s no super-soldier. When push comes to shove, he’s more than capable of defending himself, but without the hardened experience gained through years of military service, Ryan is best kept behind an analyst’s desk.

RELATED: 10 Action Movie Performances That Deserved Oscar Nominations

While he could theoretically track and learn more about a xenomorph, Ryan would be up the creek if he ever squared off against one. The best he could manage is to run before he was eventually overtaken and slaughtered by the alien.

6 Would Win: John Wick

John Wick

Any man known as the Baba Yaga by friend and enemy alike must have the skills to back it up. John Wick is a man nobody wants to cross, and for good reason. When let off the leash, he’s a one-man army capable of single-handedly taking down entire organized crime syndicates with bullets left over for the shooting range.

Wick moves fast, fires faster, and knows how to handle a high-pressure situation. Rarely unarmed, he’d undoubtedly be ready with a wide assortment of punishing weapons that would at least wound the xenomorph, if not outright kill it. Once it retreated, the hunt would be on, and the alien would be the prey.

5 Would Lose: Beatrix Kiddo

Beatrix Kiddo

Kill Bill’s Beatrix Kiddo is one of director Quentin Tarantino’s most fiercest female characters – one trained by the most skilled and deadly martial artist in the world, and her killing techniques are considered top of the class. She laid waste to the Crazy 88, wreaked bloody revenge on her former associates, and succeeded in ending the dastardly Bill with the world’s most secretive killing move.

Nevertheless, a fight with a xenomorph would end badly for the Black Mamba. Her martial arts skills would prove useless against the creature, which would force her to fall back on her trusty katana. Once the limbs came off, acid blood would fly everywhere, and The Bride would die a rather horrendous death.

4 Would Win: James Braddock

James Braddock

Missing In Action’s Braddock survived the most horrific conditions as a Vietnam P.O.W., and he still came back for more. This bearded wrecking ball is a high-octane mixture of machismo, brutal martial arts skills and weapons knowledge that spans decades. When lit up, he’s worse than a Tomahawk missile gone rogue.

Against the xenomorph, Braddock would undoubtedly be ready with all the aggression and high-grade firepower ready to turn it into xeno-giblets. Plus, the character is played by Chuck Norris. Enough said.

3 Would Lose: Riddick

Riddick

Riddick couldn’t stand up against a xenomorph and win, but he’d definitely come the closest compared to the others on this list. Not only is Riddick a skilled killer, but his shine-job allows him to see in the dark with far greater clarity than a normal human. If that weren’t enough, he’s just as bestial as his xeno opponent.

He’s also gone up against his fair share of extraterrestrial beasts, but none of them were as deadly as the xenomorph. Though his eyesight would prove highly advantageous, his reliance on stabbing weapons would undoubtedly be his downfall. The xenomorph would win, but probably not with all its limbs intact.

2 Would Win: Alice

Alice

In her amped up T-Virus form, Resident Evil’s Alice would prove to be more than a match for the xenomorph thanks to a combination of lighting fast reflexes, super strength and other uncanny abilities. She’s proven that she can stand up against the worst horrors Umbrella’s genetic research department has to offer, and still come out on top.

RELATED: 10 Best Fight Scenes In ’80s Movies, Ranked

Her chances of winning dwindle drastically if one removes the T-Virus element and puts her back to plain old human Alice, but it’s highly probable she wins anyways. Even when depowered, Alice faced down hordes of the undead, zombie dogs and fearsome mutated Lickers without losing her head.

1 Would Lose: Snake Plissken

Snake Plissken

John Carpenter’s super-popular Escape From New York introduced audiences to Snake Plissken – a total badass, and not someone you’d want to turn your back on. He’s in it for himself, which means his natural survival instincts have been honed to the absolute maximum. He’s so good that the government sent him in twice to deal with highly sensitive political threats.

Unfortunately, Plissken isn’t invulnerable, and he’s been overwhelmed multiple times by his enemies. While he’s proven he can enter the arena and walk out alive, his skills aren’t quite up to the level required to face down a xenomorph and win. There would be no “escape” from such a predicament.

NEXT: 10 Unmade Action Movie Sequels That Could’ve Been Great

Recasting Ferris Bueller's Day Off


Next
Recasting The Characters Of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (If It Was Made Today)


About The Author



Updated: November 20, 2020 — 1:00 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *