10 Best Quotes From Spaceballs

Spaceballs is a parody of the well-known and beloved Star Wars franchise and it features the talents of Bill Pullman, Mel Brooks, Rick Moranis, Daphne Zuniga, John Candy and more. The film breaks the fourth wall from time to time and features plenty of side-splitting moments, with equally uproarious quotes.

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Each character provides plenty of hysterical one-liners, especially Dark Helmet, a character based on Darth Vader. With so many memorable quotes to choose from, here are the 10 best.

10 “We’re At Now Now.”

The entire exchange between Rick Moranis’ Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz in regards to where they’re at in the movie as they fast forward on their acquired VHS copy of Spaceballs is hilarious in itself.

The dialogue is fast, it’s witty, and Sandurz tries to keep it simple for the very confused Dark Helmet, offering him the above quote at one point in explanation. It’s a good quote to reuse, whenever possible, and a fun reference to a classic Mel Brooks film.

9 “My Hair! He Shot My Hair! Son Of A B****.”

Princess Vespa with gun, Dot in background in Spaceballs

Daphne Zuniga made an impression as Princess Vespa, and this quote and the scene she says it in are unforgettable. Initially, Vespa isn’t thrilled when Lone Star hands her a gun. Her stance is that she hates guns – that is, until one of their group’s pursuers takes a shot that hits her hair.

After that, it’s personal, and Vespa goes into Rambo mode by taking out every single one of their pursuers, with her party significantly impressed, especially Dot, who comments “that was pretty good for Rambo.”

8 “Excuse Me, I’m Trying To Conduct A Wedding Here, Which Has Nothing To Do With Love! Please Be Quiet!”

The Minister in Spaceballs

It’s doubtful this minister would be hired again. He’s annoyed with the constant interruptions at Vespa’s second attempt to marry Prince Valium, and the above quote is from that ceremony. Vespa is unhappy to be marrying someone she doesn’t love, and this is reflected in the minister’s attitude, as he seems used to marrying people that are marrying for other reasons.

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What makes the quote funny is the manner in which the minister says it and the quiet apologies from the wedding party.

7 “No Sir, I Didn’t See You Playing With Your Dolls Again!”

Colonel Sandurz walking in on Dark Helmet playing with dolls in Spaceballs

Dark Helmet’s scene, in which he plays with his doll versions of Vespa, himself, Lone Star, Dot and Barf, is one of the film’s most unforgettable moments. The voices he assigns to each character, along with his lines, are nothing less than hysterical.

Colonel Sandurz walking in on him is just the icing on the cake. Sandurz assures Dark Helmet he didn’t see anything, but he contradicts that statement by describing in the above quote exactly what he saw, and he adds, “again.” Audiences would think that if Sandurz had caught Dark Helmet playing with his dolls before, he might have remembered to knock next time.

6 “May The Schwartz Be With You.”

Yogurt in Spaceballs

This is undoubtedly one of the best-known quotes from the film. It’s Spaceballs’ take on the popular Star Wars quote, “May the force be with you.” “Schwartz” is actually just as catchy and it definitely suits Yogurt’s philosophy.

Either way, it’s fun to bid someone with these good wishes, whether it’s “force” or “Schwartz,” especially a fellow Star Wars or Spaceballs fan who will understand the reference.

5 “It’s Mega Maid! She’s Gone From Suck To Blow.”

Colonel Sandurz, President Skroob, and Dark Helmet in Spaceballs

As Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet and President Skroob realize that the air is being returned to Planet Druidia, thanks to Lone Star’s use of the “Schwartz,” this is the memorable line uttered by the Colonel. It’s hilarious because of its implied double meaning.

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Somehow the line is even more priceless because of the horrified reactions of Dark Helmet and President Skroob. The line is perfectly worded to keep it clean for younger audiences, but clear enough for older audiences to get the double entendre.

4 “You Listen! On This Ship, You’re To Refer To Me As ‘Idiot,’ Not ‘You Captain.’ I Mean … You Know What I Mean.”

Bill Pullman in Spaceballs

Lone Star’s line when he meets Princess Vespa in person is funny because of the accidental use of ‘idiot’ instead of what he would prefer to be called. It’s somewhat romantic, because Lone Star is obviously taken with the Princess, and surprised that his initial impression of her was far from the truth.

His winded response is hilarious because not only does he fail to tell her off, as he’d planned, he also made himself look quite foolish in the process.

3 “I Knew It! I’m Surrounded By A**holes.”

A family with an unfortunate name turns out to be the majority of the ship’s crew. It begins with a particular a**hole who was firing a little too close to Princess Vespa when Dark Helmet was initially trying to capture her.

He soon learns that he’s surrounded by a**holes, which is hilarious for obvious reasons. Perhaps the family of a**holes should consider a name change.

2 “So The Combination Is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That’s The Stupidest Combination I Ever Heard In My Life!

Wanting to find out the combination to the air shield on Planet Druidia, Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz threaten to give Vespa a nose job, which would replace her new nose with her previous, unflattering one. This breaks her father and gets him to tell them the combination, which is something Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz probably could have guessed, to begin with.

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They went to a lot of trouble to get a silly combination, and the joke is again used when President Skroob confesses it’s the combination to his own luggage, amplifying its stupidity.

1 “That Was My Virgin Alarm. It’s Programmed To Go Off Before You Do!”

Lone Star, Vespa, Dot and Barf in Spaceballs

Dot is the perfect friend to Vespa. She even comes with a built-in virgin alarm to protect the Princess’s virginity. When Lone Star and Vespa get a little too close, the alarm goes off, scaring Barf and shocking Vespa and Lone Star.

It’s a handy alarm, but annoying, considering it ruined a special moment between Lone Star and Vespa. However, by the end of Spaceballs, Dot had retired the virgin alarm, bidding it farewell, given Vespa’s new status as a married woman.

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Updated: November 11, 2020 — 5:30 pm

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